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GAME REVIEW: SONIC 3D BLAST 5, SONIC CORP., 199X

“the distortion of a distortion is the truth” - a lot of bootleg games feel like attempts to replicate the superficial appearance of playing a videogame without entirely understanding what’s happening in them. in doing so they emphasise and highlight all the latent strangeness that gets internalised in the quest to collect orbs or whatever. walking slowly through hostile prison worlds, soundtracked by abstract electronic beeps and whistles, successions of images that don’t cohere into anything in particular. the context of their production is significant too: familiar brandname companies replaced by faceless adhoc operations, the implied linear progress in quality / technology / narrative of sequel naming conventions scrambled into a meaningless blob of signifiers, videogames as crafted events replaced by videogames as unstoppable sediment of hostile mass culture, trademarked corporate IPs become strange fetish objects replicated limitlessly to sell units. which of these is the real world?? you have ten minutes.

SONIC: 150 Stars

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"dear marcia, i am writing to you from my backyard. i have set up a tent to look at the stars and i roast marshmallows in the grill. some people go very far from home to camp but that is taking the wrong attitude. to turn your home into the vacation spot is the real escape. i close my eyes and pretend my bathtub is a swimming pool and i also pretend that pretty girls are feeding me grapes. it’s good to get away."
— Gucci Mane, letter to Marcia
"caleb by the time you get this letter the world will have already ended. for me at least. i know you live in a different time zone and i get confused about how that works. maybe you will see the horizon getting blanker as the sun rises across the sky and then when it hits you i guess that will be it. i hope you get this letter before that happens because that’s why i can’t make it to your birthday party."
— Gucci Mane, RSVP reply to Caleb
"mariane i was just thinking i wish we had fireworks every day because i love fireworks. but if we did i guess it would get boring and you would just think ‘oh wow another explosion really cool whatever’ but i guess that’s what the point of technology is. you will know it is the future when you realize that everything amazing is boring. you can either play a video game or stare at a rock. no difference."
— Gucci Mane, letter to Mariane
"jane your money or your life? you would probably pick your life but most thieves take the money instead. maybe identity thieves take your life instead but that’s really just for the money. i would like to see an identity thief who takes just your diaries and your dreams and just wants to find a new way. he is tired of stealing. he wants to be a new self who doesn’t steal."
— Gucci Mane, postcard to Jane
"geoffrey have you had iced coffee? it’s so bitter. i don’t like the taste of iced coffee. they didn’t have iced tea so i got iced coffee. iced tea tastes like eggs to me but i get it anyway. i want to be known as the kind of guy who likes iced tea. but i don’t want you to think i’m the kind of guy who likes iced coffee."
— Gucci Mane, letter to Geoffrey
"pat i am wearing compression socks right now. if i keep them on my feet i feel like they will become diamonds throughout my life. maybe when i am eighty i can sell my diamond feet to deliver my children to a better future. it’s the least i can do for them. i hope they don’t get cut up into smaller diamonds but i guess that’s not in my control now."
— Gucci Mane, letter to Pat
"robert what if i could see one second into the future? not even a superpower, just my brain perceived the world faster than yours? or anyone’s? would it be a skill i could use to be a market trader? could i stop crimes? or would i be forever trapped in my own future sent into exile in a world of those who exist a second behind me? forced into the past. maybe my brain has compensated to shield me from loneliness."
— Gucci Mane, postcard to Robert